I’ve never been so in awe of my body and also so shocked by it. I’ve never felt so much like an animal. Especially anticipating in another 19 weeks or so I will birth this bubba and feed her from my now more-then-ample breasts.

I giggle with glee at seeing my bump enlarge week after week, a smile that becomes a little stretched out of shape as I catch site of my thighs that now rub together and the butt that won’t quit (getting bigger).

There’s a few things going on here, cravings for carbs and cheese aside. My capacity for exercise has reduced, a desire for rich, fatty and nutritious foods has increased.

My hormones are padding my body out, gearing it up for the many breast milk feeds that are destined for the future.

Breastfeeding can take 2000kj a day, with that in the pipeline I’m not surprised my body is becoming super efficient at storing fat. I’m just like that. Any periods of excessive exercise are usually coupled with weight gain for me rather then loss.

A few weeks ago I read a blog written by an anonymous father-to-be, who expressed, quite bluntly, that his ‘previously 10/10 wife’ who was now 6 months pregnant was not sexy at all. She was a zero, a turn-off. He couldn’t bring himself to make love to her, even though she was super horny (a pregnancy thing) and wanted him.

He then went on to talk about how her growing belly reminded him of his own personal anxieties about becoming a father. His disgust for his wife’s body was way more about him then it was about her.

Whatever ‘Man,’ I read this just two days after my husband left for a two week trip. Had he been coming home that evening, I would devised ways and means to coax whatever reassurance I could out of him. But he wasn’t here, nor was I going to see him for two weeks.

“Thanks Mamamia for posting this” I commented, “Participate in the denigration of the self esteem of your target audience why don’t you. “

The next day the words of the article still haunted me. I didn’t want to become repulsive for making this gorgeous, perfect, gift-from-God soul baby, who is an absolute treasure to the both of us. Who I already love so much it scares me.

I don’t want to lose my attractiveness. I’m a young woman. Who wants to be un-sexy?

I checked out my reflection often in the days that followed. I began to realise, Pregnant bodies aren’t, technically, sexy. It’s true, there’s no biological requirement for a pregnant women to be sexy, she can’t get any more pregnant then she already is.

What’s the point?

And further more, I don’t want to appear sexy to any man right now, (apart from my soul mate husband). I have no interest in having another man anywhere near me, I’m sure this is another biological mechanism for protecting my baby.

I became at peace with my inner struggle. I decided it’s okay to not be sexy. I’m okay with that. I’m growing a baby, and that’s where my energy needs to be. I can be sexy again after the baby’s born with breastfeeding, gentle exercise and a healthy diet. And time.

Then my husband came home from his trip.

I didn’t ask him directly, but I can tell from our conversations and the way he feasts his eyes on this protruding womb of mine….

He is just as excited at my growing belly and milkmaid breasts as I am. More than excited, he is absolutely enamored with his unborn child.

This morning I got dressed to take the dog for a walk down by the beach. I put on a singlet top that no longer quite covers my abdomen, with bump just slightly sticking out from under the fabric.

Is this a bad look? I asked him. He said, ‘I don’t think pregnancy is a bad look. It’s let it all hang out, It’s ‘I’m pregnant and I’ve got a flower in my hair, and I’m growing another little flower in my body’ “

His very sincere way of saying pregnancy is beautiful. It made me smile.

He’s so in love with his baby girl, he’s totally embracing all the change that comes with it, all the changes that happen to me. And I am too, and this is how it should be.